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A Fishy Surprise

In this short story by Author Kennedy Beaulieu an imaginative group of youngsters share a science fiction adventure of epic proportions.

It was a bright and sunny day in Danger Grove Park. Television producer Tyler Bloodsock had decided that this was the perfect venue for his soon to be hit reality TV stars, the superhero team known as the Big Bad Super Rangers, to have their first press conference and introduce themselves to the world. Every major TV station, newspaper, and internet gossip site in the city of Danger Grove was represented there. Behind the press section were several rows of fans that came to see their new heroes. A camera crew was filming the press conference. Mr. Bloodsock felt it would be a great special feature on the rangers’ Season 1 DVD box set.

Facing the audience was a raised stage with a long table on which the rangers were to be seated. It had five seats with a name marker in front of each of them reading ‘Super Ranger Red’, ‘Super Ranger Blue’, etc. Behind the stage was a large billboard displaying the Super Rangers logo. Tyler Bloodsock was hovering around the stage making sure that the lighting, sound and everything else were just right.

Behind the billboard, the Rangers prepared for their official coming out party. It seemed like it was only yesterday, perhaps because it was only yesterday, that the five teens were teleported to an otherworldly dojo, where they met the strange sensei named Mr. Z. He gave them five ancient magic rings (well actually toys from a cereal box) that would transform them into the Big Bad Super Rangers, the galaxy’s greatest team of superheroes, if you don’t count the Avengers, the Justice League, the X-men, 80s boy band Duran Duran, the Danger Grove Senior Center bingo team, and a dozen other lesser known teams. Mr. Z tasked the teens with defending the Earth from the galaxy’s foremost alien prima donna, Lady Roxanne and her army of alien monsters.

The team had already transformed into their colored spandex Super Ranger costumes. Each ranger wore a shiny, skin-tight jumpsuit with a matching fully enclosed helmet. Each suit was a different color: red, blue, black, yellow, and pink. Zavier peaked around the billboard, “Look at all the potential future ex-girlfriends of Zavier Thomson out there.”

Zavier Thomson was known to the world as Super Ranger Black, and he was a true ladies man or so he thought. Zavier’s best friend, Josh (aka Super Ranger Red) was practicing his martial arts moves and managed to only kick himself in the face twice. Josh had everything a true karate master should have: a great physique, designer karate outfits, and a red bandana tied around his head of perfectly groomed hair. Everything, that is, except actual martial arts talent.

“Man, is anybody else getting a monster wedgie from these suits?” Josh asked his teammates.

“I’m not even thinking about that. I‘m thinking about how I don’t see a girl here over 26!!!!” Zavier remarked.

“How’s my hair?” Super Ranger Pink, Kelly, asked. Kelly aspired to be the next Kim Kardashian, but she’d settle for being the subject of the next viral video of a girl passed out drunk at a bar.

“You’re wearing a helmet,” Super Ranger Blue, Brian replied. Brian was Danger Grove High’s resident science whiz. No one at DG High was smarter or had blown up more laboratories.

“Oh.”

Now on the stage, Mr. Bloodsock stepped up to a small podium and microphone set up in the middle of the table and addressed the crowd.

“First, I wanna thank you all for coming here today. But I have to warn you,” Mr. Bloodsock said as he motioned to the crowd with mock concern, “Prepare to get your minds blown, your world rocked, and your wallets emptied. Because here they are! The spandex wearing, alien punching heroes you’ve all been waiting for. Soon to be staring in their own hit prime time show: The BIG BAD SUPER RANGERS!!! Alright!!!”

The Rangers emerged from behind the stage to the accompaniment of loud rock music. A chorus of cheers went up from the superheroes’ new fan base. Josh did a few martial arts poses for the crowd. Super Ranger Yellow, Thuyvi, folded her arms and shook her head in annoyance. Thuyvi was aloof and mysterious, like a mystical warrior from an old wuxia movie. None of the other rangers knew where she came from: China, Japan or Shangri-La. All they knew about her was that she was the most skilled martial arts fighter in Danger Grove. She knew the lotus technique, the crane technique, even the duck-billed platypus technique! Mr. Bloodsock motioned for the Rangers to take their respective seats before addressing the assembled reporters.

“Okay! Let’s open the floor up to some questions. Who’s first?”

One reporter stood up, “Why are you here?”

“Ah..well…We’re here to kick ass! Yeah, that’s it!” Super Ranger Red said as Super Ranger Yellow face palmed herself.

“Damn right!” Super Ranger Black said, “And to all the fine honies out there, some of us are also looking for that special one to make our hearts whole and set our souls on fire.”
Several teen girls in the audience giggled with girlish glee. Super Ranger Blue rolled his eyes, although with his helmet on it was impossible for anyone to see it.

“Why do you call yourselves the Big Bad Super Rangers?” another reporter asked.

“Because we are the greatest warriors in the universe!” answered Super Ranger Yellow.

“Yeah. And because we punch evil space aliens in the face!” Josh added to the raucous applause of the audience.

“Awesome. You got the catchphrase in!” Tyler said to Josh. He then turned to the assembled reporters, “‘Punch ‘em in the face’ is the trademarked intellectual property of BBSR Inc. by the way.”
“But aren’t you frightened of Lady Roxanne’s hideous creatures?” the same reported asked.

Josh replied, “What? Those punks? Those guys are creampuffs. Beating them up is like beating up my little sister. It’s nothing to martial arts experts like us.”

“Yeah. Especially when I do all the work,” Super Ranger Yellow mumbled.

“Tyler Bloodsock. Will this show be similar to Roachman?” another reporter addressed the rangers’ agent, referencing the popular superhero show about a man with the proportional powers of a roach.

“Yeah, it’ll be kinda similar,” Mr. Bloodsock responded, “Except for one thing: Big Bad Super Rangers will be so awesome it’ll make Roachman look like a program selling blenders on the Home Shopping Network!”

“Will you ever tell us who you really are under the helmets?” a reporter asked.

Mr. Bloodsock responded for the heroes, “What? The rangers’ secret identities? That’s like asking ‘What is the island in Lost really?’ You won’t find out until the last episode of the series. And even then it still won’t make sense.”

The last question came from a reporter in the back row, “Is there anything else you would like to say to the people at home?”

Before any of the other rangers could reply, Super Ranger Yellow grabbed the microphone, “To all the enemies of truth and justice, know this. I have the patience of a sloth and the fury of a rabies-infected raccoon! Your days are numbered!!!”

“Okay,” Tyler Bloodsock said nervously, “Anyone else?”

Super Ranger Pink came to the mike, “Yes. If you want to follow me on Twitter it’s @SuperRangerPinkRocks.”

#
Meanwhile in her palace on the moon, Lady Roxanne knew she needed to act fast. She needed to take over the Earth soon. Not to further her plans for galactic domination, but to sell it to pay off her gambling debts to the I.A.E.S.A., the Intergalactic Alliance of Evil Space Aliens! Lady Roxanne (or Lady R as she liked to be called) went to the workshop of the rat-like Finnington, her brilliant but snobbish monster maker, to make clear to him the need for haste.

“Finnington!!!” Lady Roxanne screamed as she entered the rat’s workshop, “Have you finished with that monster yet!”

“Not quite,” the educated rat answered.

“NOT QUITE????? What do you mean not quite?”

“I have finished forming the monster. But upon further analysis, I discovered some behavioral problems that need to be addressed.”

“Hey, you rat! My butt is on the line here.”

“And what an ample posterior that is,” Finnington said under his breath.

“What’d you say !?!”

“Eh…Nothing, your horrible-nest.”

“If we don’t take over this planet and sell it soon, the I.A.E.S.A. is gonna do target practice with our heads! I need a monster. A nasty, scary one to make those spandex wearing twerps wet their suits!”
“Monster making isn’t science. It’s an art. And art takes time.”

“What the hell is wrong with the thing?”

“Well, to put it bluntly, I don’t think all of the lights are on upstairs.”

“That doesn’t matter. As long as your monster gets rid of those Super Nerds I don’t care if it thinks its Martha Steward. Just send it down!”

Finnington sighed, “I’m sure Napoleon felt the same way before he invaded Russia.”

#
Back at the Super Rangers’ press conference, several of the audience members began scrunching their noses as if they had just smelled a mixture of rotten eggs and month old banana. A particularly foul aroma had just descended on the press conference attendants.

“Josh, man, when was the last time you washed your jockstrap?” Zavier coughed.

“What is that smell,” a reported asked.

“Prepare for a fishy surprise!” came a voice from behind the audience. Everyone turned around to see who this newcomer was. What stood before them was one of the most grotesque sights ever seen. The creature was mostly humanoid in appearance, with arms, legs and a torso covered in blue fish-like scales. But where a normal human head would be on anyone else, this creature had a giant moldy, rotten fish head! Actually rotten doesn’t begin to describe it. The creature looked like the remains of someone’s 10,000 year old seafood snack. With a revolting appearance and a pungent odor, there were maggots that wouldn’t touch this carcass.

“Ewwww…who errr…what the hell are you?” Kelly asked.

“I am the foulest fishie in the pond, the smelliest sturgeon of the deep. I am Stinky Rotten Fish Head! And I was sent by Lady Roxanne herself to turn you Super Twerps into fish food. So prepare to meet your doom!”

“Seriously? A giant talking fish head.” said Zavier, “That’s the best Lady R can do? Not a killer robot? Not a 10 armed alien? Not even a shark with laser cannons on its head? A talking fish head?!?”

“And it stinks! These helmets don’t even block out the smell. What the hell are they for anyway? We might as well be wearing ski masks!” Brian complained.

“I mean, what’s next? A talking toaster?” Zavier continued.

“All I see is another ugly monster that needs to be punched in the face,” Josh stated.

“You won’t say that after you feel my Fins of Fury!!!!!” Fish Head said.

“Your what of what!?!” Zavier asked. Fish Head reached behind his back and produced a pair of blue blades resembling giant fish fins.

“Eat my fins!!!!!,” the monster said before he somersaulted over the audience and landed on the stage with the Rangers. Fish Head then unleashed a furious attack on the bewildered heroes. First, he threw one fin, the weapon rotating like a helicopter blade across a wide arc. It struck, in succession, Super Rangers Red and Black in the chest and knocked them to the ground. The monster then moved on to the remaining Rangers as the audience and reporters ran for their lives.

“Here’s my patented left hook!” Fish Head said. Using the remaining fin blade, he hit Super Rangers Blue and Pink with a pair of savage uppercuts. As Brain and Kelly hit the ground, Fish Head’s first fin blade finished its boomerang-like flight, returning to Fish Head’s waiting hand.

“Ouch! I think I broke a nail,” Kelly commented.

“You think you broke a nail!?!” Zavier screamed, “I think I broke my hip bone!”

“You know what I think? I think you Rangers need to scale up your efforts if you intend to defeat me! Ha Ha!” Fish Head mocked. Super Ranger Yellow winced, not at the fate of her fellow teammates, but at the monster’s latest attempt at humor.

“Prepare to be filleted,” she challenged, “Damn it! Now you’ve got me doing it!”

With a piercing battle cry, Super Ranger Yellow leaped through the air and unleased a flurry of kicks and punches on Fish Head. He blocked and parried her attacks as best he could, but eventually Thuyvi’s martial arts skills where too much for the foul monster from the deep. Fish Head staggered backwards in defeat.

Fish Head sighed, “Ah carp! It looks like the scales of justice aren’t tipped in my favor.”

“I don’t know what’s worse, his smell or his jokes,” declared Brian.

“This is going to be great!” Mr. Bloodsock said to his cameraman, admiring the battle, “There’s nothing like free publicity.”

#
“Damn! I knew I should have recharged this wand yesterday,” Lady Roxanne said as she stood on the balcony of her moon palace, furiously shaking her magic wand. She was watching the ranger’s battle with her I.A.E.S.A crystal ball, a magical device that allows her to see anything happening anywhere on the planet. It was an impressive invention in its day, but ever since YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram came out she couldn’t give it away at yard sales.

“I need this thing to work to supersize this stupid monster so he can stomp those costumed twerps!” Lady R said as she banged her old magic wand against a nearby table in frustration. With this latest abuse the battered, duct-tape covered wand crackled to life, its glowing tip blinking on and off, “There! Now you spandex wearing sissies are gonna get it! Magic Wand, make momma proud!”
At this summons, the wand emitted a bolt of lightning towards Earth……

#
Back in Danger Grove Park, this same bolt of lightning hit Fish Head. Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Trees swayed back and forth. And to the astonishment of all present, Fish Head began to grow! In a few seconds he expanded to enormous heights. By the time he stopped growing Fish Head stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the surrounding skyscrapers of downtown Danger Grove.
“Something smells fishy here,” said Fish Head, “Oh! That’s me! Ha ha!”

“Waiter, check please,” Brian said, his voice trembling.

Just as the gravity of their situation sunk in, Josh’s magic Power Ring began to beep. The voice of Mr. Z, the rangers’ not so wise mentor began to emanate from the ring, “Hello Rangers! How goes the battle?”

“I’ll tell you how it’s going. It sucks! You didn’t tell us anything about giant smelly fish monsters!” Zavier protested.

“Oh! Lady Roxanne used her magic wand to make her monster grow to giant size. She does that sometimes. I guess I forgot to mention it.”

“No Sh–!”

“Ah! But do not fear my young pupils. You have the G.I.O.D.”

“The what!” the rangers cried in unison.

“G.I.O.D. Giant Instruments of Destruction: fighting vehicles drawing their power from the most fearsome creatures in nature! Or at least that’s what it said on the box. Each of you will have one that represents your true inner nature. And together they form the Mega-G.I.O.D, a robot of unparalleled power. With these machines you will be able to vanquish Lady Roxanne’s foul sturgeon.”

“Woo… that’s good. We really dodged a bullet that time, guys,” Josh exhaled.

“At least I think you will.”

“What!”

“Now, behold your G.I.O.D!” declared Mr. Z. Suddenly, the ground again began to shake. Nearby, in a large rock bed conveniently devoid of human inhabitants, an incredible explosion occurred, sending a fireball hundreds of feet into the air. A huge chasm opened up in the ground. And coming out of the fiery chasm … emerged a giant red robotic turkey.

“Emmm…Am I missing something here?” Josh asked.

“Super Ranger Red. Meet your G.I.O.D,” Kelly snickered.

“Ah come on! How lame is this!”

Following the turkey was the robotic version of a squirrel, an animal that wouldn’t seem too out of place in Danger Grove Park, except for its ginormous size and the fact that it was blue.
“A squirrel? Thanks a lot Mr. Z,” Brian sighed. A pungent odor next caught the rangers’ attention.

“Seriously man,” Brian coughed, “We need gas masks in these helmets. Don’t they have some kind of filtration system?”

Out of the fiery chasm came an animal-like machine that resembled Super Ranger Blue’s squirrel G.I.O.D. But this one was black with a distinctive white strip running along its back.

“Dude, I think your G.I.O.D is a skunk,” Josh said to Zavier.

“Naw, man. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zavier protested, “It’s probably a ferocious bobcat or a wolverine.”

“No. I’m pretty sure it’s a skunk.”

“What formidable beast will I receive?” Thuyvi asked. She did not have to wait long for her answer, because rising out of the ground next in a flurry of leaves and dirt…was a potted yellow bamboo plant.

“A plant? What the ….” Thuyvi said.

“It could be worse. You could have Pepè Le Pew,” Zavier said.

“Seriously, what can I do with a plant? It doesn’t even move!”

Thuyvi’s tirade was interrupted by an odd cooing noise. Out of the schism in the ground walked a pink robot pigeon. Kelly’s new G.I.O.D. pecked at the ground eating a nearby hot dog stand and a taco food truck.

“How did I get a pigeon?” Kelly protested.

Thuyvi answered, “Hmm…An animal that has no talent, no skills, and simply follows more important creatures around and exists off the scraps they discard….It seems like a perfect fit for you.”

“What is this? A collection of fighting robots or a petting zoo!” Brian complained.

“And I bet the plant is bamboo because I’m Asian, right. This is so racist!” Thuyvi complained.

Mr. Z’s voice boomed from the rangers’ Power Rings again, “NOW! Witness as your five G.I.O.D. combine to form the ultimate weapon, the Mega-G.I.O.D!!!!!!!!”

At this announcement, the wings and tail of the Red Turkey G.I.O.D folded into its body. The turkey’s head and neck folded down into its chest. Its feet and lower thigh folded back into the upper thigh and protruded from the bottom of the beast.

On the Pink Pigeon G.I.O.D., the wings folded out, pointing away from the body at a 90ᴼ angle. With the toes of its feet folded in on themselves, the G.I.O.D inserted itself into the open slot left in the top of the Turkey robot by its departing head. The bottom jaw of the Pigeon folding down, revealing a robotic face with a visor covered mouth and two piercing yellow eyes. The aforementioned outstretched wings now seemed to be a bizarre headdress.

“Ha Ha! I know where my G.I.O.D. is going to go. The Pigeon is the head, the Turkey is the chest … and my G.I.O.D. will be the ‘groin’ area, if you know what I mean,” Zavier declared suggestively, “You know what they say: once you go black…”

The Yellow Potted Bamboo G.I.O.D. underwent a similarly spectacular transformation. The giant pot split itself into two equally sized halves, also equally dividing the bamboo stalks between each half. In each half of the pot, the leaves of the bamboo stalks all folded down as the stalks straightened up and punched themselves together, forming a single column. Then, the combined Turkey/Pigeon machine hovered over to rest above the stalks. The machine descended until the bottom of each of the Turkey’s thigh muscles connected to one of the potted bamboo columns. The machine now had legs and feet.
Zavier chimed in, “Ha! The only thing left is the arms. I knew that was me. Gotta keep your pimp hand strong!”

The mouth of the Blue Squirrel G.I.O.D opened, revealing a pair of large fists inside. At this point the robotic animal split in half right down the middle. The two halves of its tail each folded back onto themselves, now forming shoulder sockets for a pair of gigantic arms that then attached themselves to the assembled machine. The robot flexed its new limbs.

“Hold up. What’s left for me?” Zavier asked. As if in response to Zavier statement, on the Black Skunk G.I.O.D, the tail curled inward, forming two convex lobes, resembling a certain inglorious body part. The Skunk G.I.O.D., its head folded into its body, then inserted itself into the combined robot’s backside at the top of the legs and just below the torso.

“What!?! How in the hell did I get the ‘ass’ G.I.O.D.?”

Mr. Bloodsock, still in the park, looked on with admiration, “Yeah! I bet Roachman doesn’t have a giant, freaking transforming robot!”

“Hold up. I need a picture of this,” Kelly said before whipping out her smartphone and snapping a picture of the Mega-G.I.O.D., “This is so going on Instagram.”

Standing before the rangers was a towering robot made from their combined G.I.O.D, a frightening automaton featuring an even more frightening combination of colors. In an instance the Rangers were teleported into the control room in the robot’s head. The room was filled with flashing buttons, levers, radar and system status display screens as well as comfortable, ergonomic chairs. The rangers approved of their new digs.

“This thing is awesome!” Josh said.

“It even has Wi-Fi in here!” Kelley squealed with delight.

“Yeah. But there’s only one problem,” Brian stated.

“What?” Thuyvi asked.

“Does anybody know how to operate this freaking thing?”

“Oh crap,” Zavier sighed.

“Alright, there’s got to be an instructional manual around here,” Josh said, “So everybody, just look around.”

#
Back at Mr. Z’s dojo, Mr. Z and his sarcastic robot assistant, Acme 12, observed the rangers’ dilemma from the dojo’s magic viewing mirror. Acme 12 turned to the old sensei, “Uhhhhh… Mr. Z, is there something you might have forgotten to tell the rangers?”

“Hmm. I don’t think so,” replied Mr. Z, stroking his chin.

“Are you sure? Think reaaal hard.”

Mr. Z stared blankly for a few seconds before suddenly pointing his left hand up in the air and snapping his fingers, “Ah yes! Now that you mention it, I was going to tell them that the toaster in the Mega-G.I.O.D cockpit doesn’t work.”

“Oh boy,” Acme 12 moaned as he face palmed himself.

#
Back on Earth, despite their initial confusion, the rangers were soon well on their way to figuring out how to operate their fighting robot.

“Hey, I think this lever operates the right arm,” Kelly pulled a lever on a console just right of her seat, “No. This just opens the toaster oven.”

“There’s a toaster in here!?!” all the rangers exclaimed.

“Guys, I found the instruction manual!” Brian cried, “But…Wait a minute. It’s all in Japanese!”

Kelly turned to Thuyvi, “You’re Japanese. Can’t you read this?”

“I’m Vietnamese, you idiot!” Thuyvi replied.

“What’s the difference? They’re all in China.”

Thuyvi sighed, “Honored spirits of my ancestors, help me!”

“Where’s the Geek Squad when you need ‘em?” Zavier asked.

“Boy, Rangers! That big scary robot of yours looks hungry,” Fish Head said, “How ‘bout a nice seafood dinner!”

“No thanks. Seafood makes my skin breakout,” Brian declared.

“To start off, may I suggest the clam chowder?” Fish Head said as he produced a giant bowl of clam chowder out of nowhere. He clasped the bowl by its brim and flung it at the Mega-G.I.O.D. The spinning bowl flew across the city-scape, knocking the top off two apartment buildings, before striking the Ranger’s robot squarely in the chest. The impact caused the Mega-G.I.O.D. to stumble into an office building, completely destroying the structure.

“Shit! Is everybody ok?” Josh asked.

“Yeah,” Brian groaned as he pulled himself back into his chair, “I think we just killed about a thousand people, but I’m good.”

“Damn! Do we have collision insurance for this thing?” Zavier asked as the Mega-G.I.O.D. got back up. Fish Head offered another cringe worthy taunt.

“Good. Now that you’re through with the appetizer, it’s time for the main course: the Fish Sticks of Doom!”

“What!?!” the heroes screamed in unison. Fish Head reached both hands behind his back and pulled out two giant fish sticks. He wielded them like katana swords and stuck a cheesy martial arts pose. But there was nothing cheesy about his fighting skills. Fish Head struck the Mega-G.I.O.D across its left arm and chest with his fish stick swords. The force of the impact spun the robot around. It staggered for a few steps before falling flat on top of another apartment building, completely demolishing the structure. The Mega-G.I.O.D. took longer to get back on its feet after this second attack. Once upright, it still wobbled back and forth like a frat boy after an hour long binge drinking session.

“What the hell! We’re getting our asses kicked by a giant talking fish head!” Zavier commented.

“Come on guys. We can’t go out like this! We have a reputation to keep up,” Josh said.

“Yeah! Doesn’t this thing come with any weapons?” Brian asked.

“How ‘bout this Super Sword thing?” Kelly asked.

“What!” Josh said.

“This console thingy says we have something called a Super Sword,” Kelly answered. Josh looked at the touchpad screen in front of him and sure enough among the dozens of icons, there was one with the picture of a sword named Super Sword.

“How were we ever supposed to find this button? It’s sandwiched between the itunes link and the chair massager controls!” Josh complained, “Thanks a lot Mr. Z.”

Josh pressed the Super Sword icon and instantly a giant sword fell out of the sky, implanting its blade in the ground only a few feet away from the Mega-G.I.O.D!

“Hey man. That thing almost took our head off!” Zavier shrieked. The Super Sword consisted of a shiny silver blade and a hilt with a gold guard and a grip embroidered with several Japanese characters. Back in the Mega-G.I.O.D. control room a device resembling a video game console controller popped up from underneath the control console. Josh pressed one of its buttons which caused the Mega-G.I.O.D. to grasp its new weapon by the handle and swing it upright into fighting position.

“Whoo. This thing is just like an X-Box controller,” Josh said, “Wait a minute. I think this is an X-Box controller!”

“Hey what does this button do?” Brain said, motioning to an icon on the control console labeled with the picture of a microphone.

“Awesome! We’ve got speakers on this thing,” Josh noted, gleeful that he can now broadcast his taunts to Fish Head. Josh tapped the icon. His voice boomed over the Mega-G.I.O.D. speakers, “Hey Fish Breath! Yeah I’m talking to you! We’re about to take you out Captain D’s style, man!”

“What!” Fish Head boomed back, “How dare you mention that butcher’s name in my presence. You will die for that!”

Fish Head charged the Mega-G.I.O.D. again, his Fish Sticks of Doom in hand. But the rangers were ready this time. With a few taps of the buttons on the Mega-G.I.O.D. controller from Josh, the robot swung the Super Sword, striking the smelly creature across its chest. Fish Head let out a cry of pain as the blade cut into his rotten flesh.

“Ahhhhhhh…ohhhhhhhhhhhhh… I’ve been skewered like a shrimp on the Barbie!” Fish Head said.

“Okay let’s try that again,” Josh said. With another might swing of the Super Sword, the fishy creature’s right arm was severed at the elbow joint.

“Ohhhh….Ahhhhh… It looks like I’ll be sleeping with the fishes tonight!” said the beleaguered monster.

“Again!” Thuyvi shouted. The Mega-G.I.O.D. lashed out with its Super Sword again, stabbing the monster in its stomach.

“Please have mercy on an old fish,” Fish Head pleaded.

“This is taking too long,” Kelly complained, “The Real Housewives of Danger Grove comes on in 20 minutes.”

Josh looked down at the Mega-G.I.O.D. control console in front of him, “Guys, this monitor says we have a sawed off shot gun too. Why don’t we try that?”

“Right on! Let’s deep fry this fish!” said Zavier. Josh tapped the icon labeled Super Sawed Off Shot Gun. The Mega-G.I.O.D’s Super Sword suddenly vanished and a giant sawed-off shot gun inexplicably fell out of the sky and landed in the giant robot’s hands. Josh pressed the right trigger button on the bottom of the Mega-G.I.O.D. controller. The robot cocked the oversized gun and fired at Fish Head.
The monster let out agonizing screams of pain as it was pelted with shotgun blast after shotgun blast, “Guys, maybe we can talk about this. I know this great little seafood joint on Lincoln and 2nd .”
“Crap! He’s still not dead,” said Kelly.

“Screw it. What else do we have here?” Josh said as he scrolled through the control console’s weapon selection menu and Fish Head withered in pain in front of the Mega-G.I.O.D., “Here’s an AK-47. Everybody cool with that?”

“Sure,” said the others. Josh pushed the appropriate button on the console and, sure enough, the Mega-G.I.O.D. Sawed-Off Shot Gun disappeared and a Mega-G.I.O.D. sized AK-47 fell into the waiting arms of the giant fighting robot. On command, the fighting machine fired its new assault rifle, riddling Fish Head with bullets. He staggered away from his robot opponent, trying to stop the bleeding from his many chest wounds with his one remaining hand. True to form though, Stinky Rotten Fish Head had one last string of bad fish puns in him.

“I guess I’m going down to Davy Jones Locker! Captain D’s, you finally won, you bastard!”

After saying this, the monster collapsed to the ground and exploded, rocking the surrounding buildings and sending foul smelling fish parts everywhere.

“Eww…Gross!” complained Kelly.

“Yeah. That stinky fish was under cooked. Tell the waiter to take him back to the chef!” Josh triumphantly declared.

***

Science Fiction Short Story

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Author Kennedy Beaulieu

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